Days 44-51: Time for a Reboot

July is just really turning into an awful month for me to succeed in the health and fitness changes!  My mom was sent to the hospital after going to a regular checkup (that she had considered rescheduling) on Friday with a problem that could have been quite serious.  So, we pretty much camped out at the hospital most of the weekend and then ate crap as a family for meals.  I can feel my body is swelling up like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and just know the scale will read a inflated number.  With the way I feel, I know the number on the scale will seriously take the wind out of my sails.  I'll feel like crap and could give up.  I don't want to feel that way and I WILL CONTINUE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS!! I'm not strong enough to be able to handle seeing the number right now. So, I'm choosing not to remember this last week existed and will weigh in again next week for the Biggest Loser challenge.

I know, I'm a big chicken!!  But, I'm doing this for my own long-term success.  I am the best at sabotaging myself.  If I get a compliment, I have an urge to hide away.  If someone flirts with me at the gym, I start avoiding it (it's happened in the past!) If I see a big gain, I know I might binge...I don't have any junk in the house, but eating too much of the healthy food isn't a good thing either!  By avoiding the scale one week, I'm allowing my body to override my mind and continue good efforts for longer.  I have a week to clear out the July mental junk, and will be in a better, non-sabotaging head space to handle a gain or a loss by Monday.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Days 38-43: The Sound of Silence

Sorry for the lack of posting the rest of last week.  I was in a bad hormonal headspace!!  I was cranky, fought with Giggleman too often over dumb things like "OMG, how did you lose my peanut butter!" or "It is so your fault I can't find my keys!", and he quickly learned to avoid me for a few days.

You Would Think I Was Taking These!!!!

But, I did get chosen as Employee of the Month!  At least Aunt Flo did not effect my work performance :)  I didn't expect it at all since I only became an "official" employee in mid-April.  So what do I get?  I pretty much get a "good job" from my boss and a special parking space in the front row on the other side of the building.  I think my normal place I park is a bit closer to my preferred door than this one. 

I know what you're waiting to hear now...did you get your gym workouts in?  NO!  I know, I know...I had that wonderful post full of motivation.  But, I also didn't mention the horrible experience I had last time.  When I was in the changing room, this girl and her mom come in to change.  The girl would not stop staring at me!  I felt like I was in 5th grade again trying to avoid letting the other girls see all of me in the locker room again.  I then head off to the gym and all was ok in the world again.  After my workout, I changed into my swimsuit to meet Giggleman in the pool.  I noticed he was looking pretty grumpy.  He proceeded to tell me about his experience in the pool.  "There was this mother and daughter...the girl pointed and laughed when she got near me...the mother pulls her aside and tell her not to laugh in front of a fat person, make sure that you just laugh on the inside!"  WTF!!  I was not shocked out to find out that it was the same people I encountered in the locker room. 

With the way I was feeling last week, I wanted to smack them silly...but I didn't and did my usual thing of avoiding the situations that piss me off.  My shy, try to hide away side won out yet again...and of course, that side of me doesn't help me much in life.  My gym avoidance ends today!  I'm not on the rag, I'm not in pain, and I'm not about to let some idiots ruin my plans.  I'm up a pound from last week, but I'm not going to give up!!  You will see a workout report tomorrow!

Day 37: Planning to Succeed

I am trying a new program that is supposed to make adding pictures and videos to my blog so much easier.  If it works, you'll be seeing a lot more fun things from me here in future posts :)

So, as I mentioned in my last post, I have been slacking off on exercising for too many days.  Why do I always put off doing things that would be good for me?  I have not figured out that answer, but I sure know how to make enough excuses. I am not putting off moving one more day, despite my cramping.  If I remember correctly, working out seemed to help ease that pain before.  If I don't post with workout results tomorrow, you're allowed to bitchslap me in the comments.  I've also made a plan to check out a class that interests me this week called Pump.  It is supposed to have weight training and cardio in it and it sounds a lot like a class I used to love at my old gym.  The reason why I no longer go to that place is because the class kept on getting canceled for the day I could go.  No answers why...it was always well-attended!  If I can't get myself back on track using my own determination, I will do the unthinkable....get a personal trainer.  I can't so easily back out of a REAL appointment, I would feel bad about wasting money, plus a good one will know how to push me to achieve my best.

I've also pulled out the good ol' Beck book again.  I admit, I stopped reading after Day 14 or so.  Amazingly, some of the assignments after that day make a lot of sense.  One assignment was to plan out a whole week of meals.  I'm also supposed to write down if I eat more than I planned or added any foods and how I felt and blah, blah, blah.  This task frightened me because I am not much of a planner (can ya tell?)  Well, I say I'm going to plan and then I throw away the plan.  I was very successful when I followed the meal plan/grocery list with Ediets a few years ago.  Why did I stop doing that?  It's too long of a story for now, but maybe I'll write about that time of my life later.  I also didn't think I needed to be so structured about eating right.  Errrr, I think I do.  I honestly am going to work out a meal plan for me and have it ready by the weekend.  I'd start my plan earlier this week, but shopping and cooking will just keep me away from the gym, which is my first priority.  I will not let Giggleman convince me to throw my dinner plans out the window, like I did too often last week.  We'll see how that works.

It is way too late and I don't want to use the tired excuse for tomorrow's...ummmm make that later today's workout so I'll be back with more news later!

Days 31-36: The Blob Returns?

I am typing today on our new laptop! I don't have to use our dumb desktop anymore. Yay! Well, I really don't have a problem with the other computer, I just really hated sitting at the desk using it. We never got around to buying a nice computer chair...the temporary folding chair was a literal pain in my ass. Then, Giggleman got the bright idea to move the computer into the bedroom and we could sit on the bed or lay down and use it (his favorite way)....NO!!! NO!! NO!! I've tried to do it his way for two months and I couldn't stand it anymore. Plus, the desktop couldn't handle all the applications I usually used for photos and games and whatnot. So, we bought one with a bit of his government stimulus check plus his regular pay. The rest went into our wedding fund, no worries!!

Since I posted last, I have been a workout slacker. I have not went to the gym for the past 5 days. I was planning on going Saturday, but then Giggleman wanted to go to an early showing of Hancock (I liked it!), and then my mom decided to throw a belated 4th of July picnic since my sister wasn't at big family picnic on Friday. She sure missed out on some verbal fireworks at that one...wish I would have missed that one too! Sunday, I set the alarm to go to the gym but woke with a horrible headache and my stomach in agony. By the end of the day, the pain decided to focus on my girlie parts down there. Fuck me! I'm pretty darn sure that it must be ovulation cramping, possibly a reason why I was cranky, craving sugar, and lashing out at my poor Giggleman various times over the weekend. I am NOT ready for my monthly visitor again anytime soon and I think I need to switch the birth control meds again or something because the ones I'm on are NOT HELPING!! I'd love to be able to know exactly when to plan for Aunt Flo's arrival...

So, I was dreading having to post with my weigh-in today. I figured I'd have a gain of 4-5 pounds. I was ready to hang my head down in shame and start berating myself about my workouts and not eating carefully enough and everything else. I'd go on about how I'll be perfect this week and not let anything get in my way (and then be a quitter when I would most likely fail.) But no, I've decided to suck it up. I didn't go to the gym, but I walked quite a bit on Friday and Saturday. Yes, my body is used to doing more, but I'll work harder this week. I also went over what I ate this past week. I did overindulge on Skittles yesterday, a personal pizza on Saturday night after a fight, and a couple of brownies on Friday and Saturday. I know why I ate what I did...I didn't think it through and was emotional. I stopped myself before I went into full-on binge mode. My other meals were on track and I'm on track today so far. I'm not giving up on myself at all. Baby steps...

The weigh-in results: 301.0. No gain, no loss. I'm shocked. I'll take it.

Day 30: One Month Down, A Lifetime to Go

Since I've made it through one month of my 100-day challenge, I thought I'd do a recap of what I've accomplished and what I will focus on for the next month.

First off: I forgot to post my weigh-in for the Biggest Loser Challenge yesterday! Oops! I'm down to 301 as of Monday. On the weekend, I saw 299 on the gym scale and today, I'm down again. My scale just doesn't like to cooperate with Monday weigh-ins!

Measurements: I only have my waist measurement from the fitness expo to reveal June progress. Today, I'll be whipping out the tape to get measurements in other areas to track my progress from this point on. But, I have lost 5 INCHES(?!?!!) from my waist since then. Holy Hannah! I didn't think that was even remotely possible! The SBD does say you'll lose a lot of belly fat, so I guess cutting out too many carbs must do the trick. I have noticed my pants being a bit baggy around the waist...not so much change in my ass :)

Food tracking: I've been diligent with logging everything into SparkPeople this whole time. I do need to work on weighing some items to get better accuracy, like meats. (Reminder to self: find food scale.) I really need to work more on cutting down the fat a bit, like making sure I pick the low-fat cheeses.

Cooking: I haven't done that much...Giggleman still does the majority because the messy kitchen scares me and I just can't find the thing I'm looking for when I need it! He has promised me that he will have it clean by this weekend, and then I'll finally show him more of my cooking skills (or poison him with my lack of it!) I work till 11:15 during the week, so I really need to start preparing my own suppers and taking them to work instead of relying on him to having food ready when I get home. He still is pretty much a meat and potatoes guy, so getting him to love the veggies this past month has been a chore!! I think this is one of my biggest areas to work on for the next month.

Exercise: I'm finally a gym member again and I live right across the street from it, so I have no excuse not to go! I have skipped a few days though (bad me!) I missed a few days due to some pain (my bloody baby toe massacre from bad shoes rubbing them the wrong way and shin splints!) and I still find other excuses (the bed looks soooo good right now). I've started doing more strength training in the past week because my arms are still such weaklings. I'm also planning on going to aqua aerobics and a pump class because they look fun! So, my goal is to spend 20 days in the gym this month. Driving past it and waving on the way to work will not count :) Goal 2 is increasing the weight my arms can handle by 25 pounds on a consistent basis this month. Not too hard, eh?

Mental: I don't love all of me yet, but I love parts of me! Giggleman took a few pictures of me on Sunday and I just couldn't stand to look at them. I looked so much puffier than when I see myself in the mirror. I don't know why that is! But, I thought my legs looked good. I wish my rack would shrink some, but I like it overall (and Giggleman loves it). And, I desperately need a haircut and color. My hands aren't as puffy. I almost wanted to give up after seeing me on the camera screen. So, as you can tell, I do need to work more on my positive self-talk and love. I'll figure out some ways to work on that later :)

Other than that, I feel pretty good about the way things are going. Of course, I wish the scale would move faster, but I'm trying to just be happy with whatever number I get. This task isn't easy!!