Year End Blowout!

Happy New Year's Eve! I always stay up till midnight waiting for something to magically happen...wonderful or horrible. Like all other years, I am pretty sure nothing will happen except the clock hits midnight and all proceeds as normal. Blah! Y2K came with a whimper...that was the only time that maybe something really could have affected things!

How am I planning on spending the day? Well, I will head to work like normal, pick up Giggleman, and try to make it to my parents house before midnight and see the ball drop. We used to have a tradition of going to a movie on NYE...now we just have a family get together at home with food and drink. There really hasn't been anything else to do until this year where there seems to be parties, games, and concerts galore in town. I'm a bit jealous that I have to work instead of checking one of those options out.

I'm not one for making resolutions because I have an issue with commitment and completing things. But, I have some goals for 2009. I don't know if I'll hit my final weight loss goal this year, but I have other things I want to accomplish!

1. Dye my hair and keep up with it when the roots get nasty! I just saw a family picture from Christmas and that bit of gray that I didn't think was so noticeable? Wrong! I have gray in just one spot so far...my bangs. This picture showed that it is a clear patch smack in the middle of my bangs. You'd think I was going for a skunk look! I'll have to get one uploaded unless my sister already has it posted on Facebook and then I'll show you all!
2. Find wonderful medical professionals and keep up with appointments. I've said this for months now, but I'm really going to find a wonderful doctor (I swear!), psychiatrist (haven't went in 3 years since my breakdown and I know I need help again before I crack!), and chiropractor (the one I saw a couple of times last year was just a bit too granola crazy for my taste!)
3. Workout 5 days a week for 1 hour. I don't care if it's in the gym, at home, outside, or on the freaking moon! It's a fact that I have let my workouts slide once the true cold hit this year. I will make no excuses and JUST DO IT!
4. Open up to other people more. I have a problem with letting people into my world...even my parents think I'm a mystery. When I get frustrated, I end up bottling up...and then exploding after I've hit maximum capacity. Giggleman gets showered with the spray and I know it's hurting him. (Sorry!) I haven't told family I'm trying to lose weight...I don't tell Giggleman what bothers me...I don't share deep thoughts with anyone.  I started blogging again to have a way to get the bad and good out into the open. Well, when it got really bad...I went to my own dark hole and shut down. (You may have noticed the quiet in the past couple of months.) I had my explosion last week and I'm slowly crawling out of my hole, and I will work to keep that from happening yet again down the road. If I don't let people in, how will they ever know when I need help?
5. Find new experiences. I'm BORED! I need to find something that will excite me again. Taking the pharmacy class for work opened up my brain again. I don't know if my experience will lead me to school again, travel, a new gym class, back to playing music, or something else. But, I will explore and find something!
6. Buy a bike. When I was younger, I rode for miles and miles and it helped clear my head. There are so many bike trails close to my home and I'm ready to get out there again!
7. Stick with WW. I will not skip a meeting this year...I don't care if I ate a whole water buffalo during the week! I will show up and stay accountable.
8. I will prepare dinners 2-3 days a week. I rely on Giggleman too much since the kitchen is usually a fright after he makes a masterpiece. I have plenty of cookbooks, and I'm ready to try again. First, I will help him clean the mess in there so I don't run out screaming :)

I also have one stretch goal: Hit 199 by my wedding in September. Heck, I'd be satisfied with 225, but onederland would be nice!

Crap, time for work so I can't elaborate more! I'll share more tomorrow!

Is the Year Over Yet?

I am so behind with reading blogs this month!  Studying, eye issues, and my own blah attitude have really slowed me down. Over the weekend, I noticed my reader was up to 1000+...some posts are back from Thanksgiving. Yikes! I'm slowly working my way down the list, and hope to be clear before the New Year.

The first BLBE is done and I'm ready for a short break until the next one! I didn't come close to my original goal, but I did shed 4% of my body weight. I can only imagine what I would have gained without WW and the challenge over the holidays. I hope to do so much better in 2009 now that Giggleman is using his force for good again instead of "Who Cares" evil. Unfortunately, his success when on track also annoys the hell out of me. I can't help it...I always want to be the best, and when I try and can't, my spirit deflates. As I mentioned, he had only gained 0.2 pounds since his last time at WW. In the past week, he ate much more crap than I did and didn't workout (unless you call last minute shopping on Christmas Eve enough exercise for the week) and had an amazing loss. I was very mindful of my food and got in more workout time than usual but my loss wasn't as wonderful. My mind starts sending signals "If you can't be the best, why are you trying?" With the way my body hasn't reflected much of my effort since September, it is hard to fight that message. I am my own worst enemy, but I refuse to quit this time. I'm on a roll of actually finishing what I started right now, so I just have to keep plugging away. I know my journey will be different than others on this road...it's just hard to deal with sometimes, you know?

Enough with the gloom...I have some fun plans for this spot that I'll incorporate beginning with 2009 including back to regular posting and VIDEO! Yep, I'm tearing off my mask and will be jumping into Vlogging or VBlogging or whatever the cool kids call it. I'm finally ready to get rid of the anonymity around here. Yay! So, keep your eyes peeled!

It's A Christmas Miracle!!

The reports you may have heard about me were greatly exaggerated. I am alive! I got so busy with the last week before my pharmacy exam that I didn't post at all. Sorry! I took my test last Monday, AKA THE COLDEST DAY ON EARTH!  It took over a half hour to scrape ice off the windows and then wait for the inside of the car to defrost too and I think the wind chill made it 40 below.  There were a few questions on the test that made me go "WTF, I recognize the word what and that's about it!" Overall, I thought it wasn't difficult.  The exam rules to follow are extremely insane. I had to be fingerprinted before I began the test. If I left the room and came back, I'd have to be fingerprinted again. I had a picture taken there as well as being filmed the whole time I was testing. Geez, now how am I going to sneak my smarter twin I cloned the day before to finish the test for me? I was handed a paper saying results wouldn't be available online until December 29th afterwards. Well, I happened to peek this morning. No, I can't wait for anything except Christmas presents! I PASSED!! My actual score isn't available and is being sent by mail, but I will not have to take the test again! Woohoo!! The word passed was even in green just in case I forgot how to comprehend a full sentence. So, my life can go back to normal again.

So, since I finished over a week ago, why didn't I post again? Three words: Oozing Pink Eye! On the Friday before my test, my eye started feeling very scratchy and I thought an eyelash got in there. So, I rubbed...and rubbed...and rubbed. Yes, I know rubbing is the worst thing you can do! When I woke up Saturday morning, I could barely pry my left eye open and the pain was unbearable. Once I did get it open, I noticed the lovely red hue. Just what I needed before my big exam!!  I couldn't bear to look at the light, read, or do much of anything else. On Sunday, I made my nurse mom take a look at it. She was repulsed and went and bought me some OTC eye drops which seemed to help. I was still a little red on Monday, but it finally cleared up completely by Wednesday. This Saturday afternoon, the pink eye came back again! I accused Giggleman of farting on my pillow to cause my agony (the movie Knocked Up taught me more than one thing!) I whipped out the drops again and was fine again by Tuesday. I'm sure this has to be some cold or sinus related issue, but it is really annoying! If the pink eye flares again this weekend, I'll go to the doctor or yank out my left eyeball.

Weight loss front: I totally missed a weigh-in due to studying madness and eye misery, but I was down 2.2 pounds on Saturday. Woohoo! Giggleman also decided to rejoin WW again with me (he hadn't shown up in over two months because he kept conveniently having to work on the one day that works for both of us.) He had only gained 0.2 pounds since then. Grrrr, I hate male metabolism. If he really put his mind to it, weight would be dripping off him. I only have to look at a bowl of ice cream or french fries to gain weight! We'll see how long his recommitment to health lasts :)

Oops, I Did it Again!

I'm late with my update here!! I swear, every time I say I will do something, I tend to do the opposite. Yes, I am my own saboteur. I must figure out how to solve that issue. No time today though! I had planned to post my Black Friday tips (#1: Avoid it altogether!)  Alas, Giggleman forced me to go with him, so I didn't get to write them and mock those who were out there at 3 AM! Shockingly, most stores were well organized this year except for Toys 'R Us. Why he wanted to go in there just for a great deal on batteries is beyond me...but when the line to check out runs through 90% of the store, it's time to give up!

Weigh in from Saturday: up 2 pounds. It wasn't totally unexpected due to Thanksgiving, but seriously, I thought I did pretty well! One of the other culprits came out of hiding earlier this week...Aunt Flo still has lovely timing. I should really recognize the warning signs (aka last post bathroom issues), but I still get shocked. I really should have known...but it seems like she just left a week ago. I guess her visit is actually almost on time for once by looking at my archives. Wow! So, I'm hoping for a lower number on Saturday. Either way, I am cracking the whip on myself and am planning every meal for the next week and will not budge when Giggleman begs to do something else. Seriously, he is one of my biggest obstacles! He tries to be supportive...sometimes... Yeah, something needs to be done but I'm not ready to start spilling my guts about that yet.

Time for me to finish getting ready for class, so I'll post more later. Less than two weeks before my huge pharmacy test, so I'll be here more often after I'm done!

Bow Down to the Pumpkin Spice God!

For the past week or so since oral surgery (and since my awesome weight loss), I've been experiencing some trouble on the errr....bathroom front. To put it bluntly, I've been terribly constipated! I had been eating enough fiber and drank plenty of water, but the bowels just weren't moving much, and when they did, it hurt like giving birth. Well, I imagine birth hurts that much based on the movies. To use a term I'm familiar with, it hurt as badly as passing a kidney stone! My mom said the problem could be due to the lovely pain medication I was on. (BTW, I never ended up having any mouth pain, so they may have worked too well...they worked well for my shoulder!)

But, I discovered a cure that seems to work for now. Googling tells me it shouldn't work, except for one alternative cure site, but my body is all about defying the norm. My cure comes in the form of one pumpkin spice cappuccino in the morning! I hate anything that tastes too much like coffee unless it is doctored up with so much creamer or sugar that one could ask "Would you like a bit of coffee in your cream?" I have slowly grown to like some cappuccino flavors, and pumpkin sounded good, so I thought I'd try one. Coffee is a diuretic, so it usually increases constipation problems when drinking huge amounts. But, 30 minutes after I drink the lovely pumpkin spice concoction, I get the urge to go and I'm back to normal again. Yay!

In other news, I've found a new crazy weight-loss gadget for the week. Let me introduce you to the Diet Guard. It looks like the fancy mouth guard the dentist made me when I was treated for TMJ. I ended up grinding a hole through that bugger. For only $49.95 (or $99.90 for both your top and bottom teeth), you too can have a custom-molded mouth guard to prevent you from eating. Hello, if I was hungry enough, I'd pop that guard right out! I don't remember experiencing any lovely weight loss back then. If the gadget automatically stuck to my teeth until a programmed meal time, then we'd have a product worth buying!

Off to study before leaving for my pharmacy class, so I'll be back again tomorrow. (Seriously! A week with more than one post! Will the world stop turning?)

Second Verse, Same as the First

Weigh in: Down 0.4 pounds.  I am resisting the urge to kick or throw things! I expected to see a lower number due to eating mush for a few days after my oral surgery. Plus, my scale told me that I weighed 132.4 for three days straight. Yes, I still am stepping on my semi-broken scale. I knew for sure my body didn't lose that much overnight. Somehow, my scale magically changed to weigh in kilograms rather than pounds. I found the switch at the bottom...I have no idea how it was touched!

Since I have nothing exciting to talk about today, I'm posting a meme from Becklette.

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? I didn't go to the prom! None of my friends were going and I thought it sounded lame. From the stories I heard the day afterwards, I didn't miss a thing.
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Did I ever talk to my first love? Did he know I existed?
3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? sips of beer from my grandpa
4. What was your FIRST job? Babysitting the brother of the most popular girl in school-I have no idea why the parents called me! I had only babysat my sisters in the past, so nobody would have recommended me. Maybe the sister thought who would be available on short notice?  LOL! The brother ended up loving me so I was his regular babysitter for a few years.
5. What was your FIRST car? 1996 strawberry Dodge Neon-I got it after beginning college and starting a "real" job. It was new and I loved it!
6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? The Giggleman was the first with the important message "The Human Torch was denied a bank loan"
7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? my sister--I cursed her when the alarm went off since the only reason I needed to get out of bed so early was to drop her off at school
8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Mrs. Culey-she told my mom I was an excellent student but needed to learn to stop interfering with others getting their work done after I finished. I couldn't help it...I was done and they were slow! I needed entertainment!
9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Phoenix, Arizona for a college band tour--my mom was more scared for me than I was!
10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them? my first best friend was Catrina Walsh in pre-school...we were going to be in kindergarten together until stupid boundary line changes! I lost track of her once we no longer went to daycare together.
11. What was your FIRST sport played? Soccer! I was horrible for the first year, but I loved it. I ended up playing up through high school.
12. Where was your FIRST sleep over? My best friend Sara's house...I remember being sorely disappointed about the Care Bears sleeping bag my mom bought for me
13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? Giggleman
14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? I was the flowergirl for my mom's wedding.
15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Grabbed my cellphone to turn off the alarm
16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? a concert with my parents to see Eddie Rabbitt and Sylvia at the Corn Palace...yes it was lame, and I'm not sure why I went since I wasn't a fan! I'm assuming my mom couldn't find a babysitter
17. FIRST tattoo or piercing? My ears for my 8th birthday
18. FIRST foreign country you went to? Winnipeg, Canada for a choir trip--I do not remember ONE exciting detail except it was colder than home!
19. What was your FIRST run in with the law? I haven't had one yet...
20. When was your FIRST detention? Never had one...yeah I'm sure you're all thinking I'm a goody-two-shoes dork with the band and #19, but truly, I've had my rebellion!!
21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? South Dakota-first and only
22. Who was the FIRST person to break your heart? Giggleman would be the first to truly break it...and I still hold a bit of a grudge about it even though we are together again!
23. Who was your FIRST roommate? (besides my sister at home) my freshman year psycho roommate Christina--I found out her first letter to me that summer was sent to me from the mental ward (not why I consider her psycho because I've been a guest there a few years ago!) She didn't like her things touched, she started not going to classes, and eventually moved out to live with her psychology professor.
24. Where did you go on your FIRST limo ride? the restaurant Spezia with a group of overachievers at work

Infomercials are Products of the Devil!

Before I start rambling, let me get my weigh-in digits out of the way. I had a good week...staying within my points, eating breakfast (I know it is the most important meal of the day, but I tend to skip it too often!), and getting some exercise in (not as much as the week before, but better than nothing!). Would the scale reflect my changes on Saturday? YES!!  I lost 2.8 pounds!! This loss is my biggest drop since joining WW and the BLBE. Losing so much slower than before is so frustrating, but maybe it means I am doing the right things to keep it off this time.

I just got back from my dentist appointment with a numb left side of my mouth and an aching right jaw. Lovely! My dentist has personal TVs in each room that swivel so they are parallel to the ceiling. It doesn't help much once his head gets in the way! So anyway, while he worked, the morning talk show stopped and infomercial time began. Joy! The dental hygienist started talking about how she got sucked into something called the Bender Ball. She ended up getting sent two instead of one and was charged for both. When calling in, the rep told her she could keep the second for 10 bucks or wait for return labels and credits. Today, the infomercial for Malibu Pilates was on the TV. I had never heard of it and saw Susan Lucci on the screen. Geez, she promotes the makeup, has clothes on one of the shopping channels, and now is spewing exercise products?  Acting isn't lucrative enough? From what I gathered, it has to do with pilates moves on a chair. I kept thinking, "Wow, what lame person thought of this?" Then, Mari Winsor pops on the screen a bit later. I should have guessed...she is the one who sucked me into her pilates videos back when I lost a ton of weight. (I think they are great and would use them if I could find where they were packed in the last move!) Now, I can't get the darn chair out of my head.

Self: "Ooh, I could do that while I'm watching TV or at the computer!"

Brain: "Just say no. Do you really think you'd get any real cardio?"

Self: "But look! They just showed how their heart rate increased!"

Brain: "Get some use of the exercise tools you have now, and then we'll discuss this purchase."

Yes, I have a problem!

Also, I have one last piece of cool news. Despite the slow loss, I have officially went down a size in pants!  Last week, I realized my pant legs were dragging when I walked. Doing more research, I discovered I could pull my pants down without unbuttoning or unzipping. So, I decided to buy some new ones...I tried on a few different styles in different sizes. The ones a size smaller looked and fit better on me than the others. So, woohoo!

Time to find something mushy for lunch, so I'll be back tomorrow with more updates!

Taking Care of Me!

Helllloooo out there! It's been quiet here for the past few days...sorry! But, I have been doing well with food this week and have been tracking! I said I was going to post totals here, but I did that back when I was doing South Beach and nobody is really interested unless you have awesome recipes and such. I don't. My food is boring! Instant oatmeal, cereal, peanut butter and banana wraps (I Heart Flat Out Wraps, BTW!), chicken, broccoli, turkey burgers, oranges, apples, and other mixed frozen vegetables do not make entertaining reads. Once I am a culinary goddess, I could change my mind!

I just got back from my regular dental checkup...marking the second dentist visit in two weeks. Here is a tip from me to you: Do not go back to school, quit work and lose insurance, and then return to work and be too absentminded to set up appointments. My lovely crown issue made me realize how neglectful of my body I've been in the past three years...no one should be shocked to hear that I gained back all that weight I lost during this period.  I have two more dentist appointments next week...one with my dentist to repair another chipped tooth that I didn't notice and one with the oral surgeon to get the tooth that had the crown yanked out. The dentist also gave me an estimate of what it would cost to repair the one that is getting yanked. He wants me to do an implant which costs $1900 and is NOT covered by insurance. Plus, I'd have another oral surgeon visit for part of the procedure. Or, I can do a bridge which will be weaker but is partially covered and only be out $1000. Crap! All this for one tooth? He also recommended a gum shaving for my top front teeth. I've always been extra gummy in pictures, my teeth look small, and it's annoying. So, I'll probably do that sometime next year.

Next task: find a new doctor and set up an appointment! I know I keep saying this, but I will make it happen this month! I haven't been to one since last November when I knew my benefits were going away due to switching jobs and not wanting to pay COBRA beaucoup bucks. In that appointment, he went over my lab work, talked about my lack of energy issues, and gave me a bunch of samples of Synthroid. I'm assuming that my thyroid levels were actually low, and I was too dumb to ask that day. He never used to be one to throw pills at me like candy at a parade! He used to be so on top of things until he got remarried. Then, I had to guide him to making a diagnosis. A neurologist that saw me in 2005 when I was going through hell found things that my doctor missed and sent the info to him and advised I should hear from him in the next week about new meds, etc. I didn't hear a peep until he ran into my family in the hospital with my grandma THREE MONTHS LATER! I should have changed doctors then, but I figured I'd give him another chance! I should have been more proactive as well, so I know I'm part of the problem. Heck, he's been my doctor since age 4, used to be head of family practice at the hospital, and never pushed any weight programs or had any other fat doctor horror issues I've read about. But, he knows squat about PCOS and as I said, he just doesn't seem to figure out problems anymore!

I also finished signing up for benefits next year. I already had my health insurance and 401k since becoming official, but this year I had a ton of other options to go through plus make any other changes. For instance, for a small payroll deduction, I could choose to add up to one more week of vacation time to the already generous amount given. Even better, if I donated a larger amount to the United Way, I could wear blue jeans for two days each week next year. How sad is it that I upped my donation solely due to that fact? Sure, I'm helping people, but I get to experience FREEDOM FROM DRESS PANTS AND SKIRTS!

I'm off to workout before heading to work, so I'll cut off this ramble now and be back tomorrow with a killer weigh-in (I HOPE THERE IS CHANGE!!!)

Just a Quickie!

Somehow, I slept through most of the day and am running behind!!  I have my food for yesterday logged in the lovely WW e-tools so I'll share it along with Wednesday foods by tomorrow.  I had my flu shot yesterday...wonder if that has anything to do with my sleepiness?

I did watch the Biggest Loser last night and am pleased with Brady going home! I really wished it would have been Vicki, but evidently she is working out as well as conniving schemes! I'm a bit worried about her state of mind with her Revenge note shown for next week. Yes, I paused the screen so I could read it all and she's out for blood!

Time for breakfast...errr make that late lunch and then I need to fly to work! I'll have some better news to share tomorrow (including pants excitement!)

Let it Snow!

Contrary to my title, I DO NOT WANT MORE SNOW!! We were lucky last week and only got about an inch of that white stuff to stick around. People forget how to handle driving in the snow every year...too fast and they end up in a ditch or too slow and they end up getting rammed in the back end. I'm a perfect driver, of course :)

First, my weigh-in. I thought I put in great effort last week and I get a big goose egg! 0.0. Zilch. Nada! I had my internal pity party for about 20 minutes in my WW meeting. Then, my motivation refueled after listening to a particular success story. There was one man at my meeting who looked pretty darn fit and healthy. I was wondering where the wife that must have dragged him in here was! Well, he earned a star at our meeting for losing weight. Not just 5, 10, 20, or 50 pounds. HE LOST 150 POUNDS SINCE JANUARY 15TH THIS YEAR! Holy shit! He said that a group of guys from his workplace joined a meeting at work and all were kicking ass! He was doing the Core program and working out a bit more. I'm still wowed. He has lost an average of 15 pounds a month. And here I am trying to get a 5 pound loss to stay after 7 weeks. I never have had such issues with dropping weight when I worked at it before. So WTF is my problem now?

Well, Angie gave me a little kick in the butt in her email yesterday. She is so good about it...she had a great post about being accountable and calling people out on excuses last week too. She let me know about how she lost weight when she couldn't move by being awesome on the nutrition front. Thanks, Angie!! I thought I was doing well, but being honest, I'm half-assing it. I am back to rarely eating breakfast, sometimes miss lunch, and then let Giggleman make dinner decisions. He usually cooks, but sometimes I come home to pizza or chicken wings. Not cool! So, I'm taking control over my kitchen again and will be planning each and every meal. I blame my tiredness on my thyroid which is whacked, but truly, I'm not giving my body the stuff it needs to keep running. That is why I crash! Starting tomorrow, I'm going to begin posting my meals here also. If you see that I'm missing something, smack me!

Off to study so I'll be back later with more updates!

Everything is Sunshine and Sparkles!

First of all, I'm stoked that Obama won the election! As I said yesterday, he didn't win our state but he didn't lose by a landslide either! I'm also happy about the abortion bill going down. When they interviewed the ringleader of those who got it on the ballot, all she had to say was the third time will be the charm! I'm sorry, but even with making exceptions this time, you didn't get any more people to vote for it than the first. Give up! Oh well, I guess I have to admire her perseverance. I had to work so I missed getting to watch all the results hoopla, but Giggleman taped Obama's acceptance speech. He knows my geeky political side too well. Then, I had a lovely conversation with my crazy Republican friend where he let me know how much I'm going to enjoy Socialism. We had a rousing debate about health care until he started whining about other things. I heard a funny commercial this morning about how the nation will be all sunshine and raining candy canes for now on since we made this change...at the end it said Same Crap, New President. Guess we'll have to see!

I had my dentist appointment today. I was there for about 25 minutes at the most! I had a lovely x-ray for where my cap was and then I sat watching TV until he came in. Unfortunately, my fix isn't just bond the bugger back in and everything will be cool. Of course not, this is my life! My remaining real tooth left in there is so miniscule and weak so that won't work. He said that they could do something called tooth lengthening where they mess with the gum and bone below it, but it would still be weak and would probably crack again. So, he recommended that I go get the tooth extracted by an oral surgeon, wait 6 weeks or so for it to heal, and then getting a bridge or something else put in. Ummmm, ok? I didn't understand half of what he meant...the only time I've been to an oral surgeon was when my wisdom teeth were removed, and I had a lovely bruise on my cheek for awhile. I just nodded in agreement and am hoping that insurance covers well! So, I get to look goofy for awhile! The spot where I'm now missing a tooth except for a stub is pretty noticable when I open my mouth. Lovely! I did get one piece of good news at the dentist. They offer free teeth whitening every six months to their patients. Guess I hadn't been there since they moved locations...oops! So now I can have sparkling white teeth for free!

I have to do some homework and other fun stuff, so I'll be back again later!

One Way to Avoid Candy!

Hello, November!  Glad to see you and the extra hour of sleep you gave me yesterday! I am so happy that the last week of the month is over...I just had no time to do anything. My blog was feeling neglected.

I found a new way to avoid Halloween candy on Friday. Lose a cap while chewing on a Rice Krispie bar! People were offering goodies like mad at work and that was the first thing I decided to actually eat instead of save for Giggleman when I got home.  Well, somehow it yanked out my cap on my tooth! (My teeth are weakened by grinding, and that one cracked so they capped it!) I was chewing and found a really hard part...which was my tooth! I popped it back in and it will have to do until the earliest dentist appointment available on Wednesday. They also let me know that I haven't been in for a couple years! I hadn't realized I let it go so long! I've never had a cavity, so hopefully my record stays that way. Everything just a bit sticky or chewy is knocking it loose, so I'm avoiding most things until then. Guess that's one way to get rid of the pound I gained this week!

I don't think I've mentioned my lack of cooking on here. Wait, I take that back. Back when I was trying out South Beach (which was wonderful for one month), I did attempt some dishes. I guess I'm spoiled by Giggleman's talent in the kitchen. If only he was talented in cleaning up after himself! I had to make a pasta salad for a work potluck on Thursday. I could have made soup (who decided to make the theme soup and salads?) but I figured I'd never survive driving with it! I asked my mom which type of salad would be the quickest and cheapest to make. She said my favorite Spring Salad would work the best. Seriously, the way my mom makes it is the bomb! Due to the kitchen mess, I headed over to my mom's to cook (aka let her make it while I nod my head and work so slowly that she takes over). Well, I had to make it ALL myself...I even chopped the 4 or 5 cups of veggies by hand. She didn't even whip out the trusty Salad Shooter for me! Nobody died after eating the goods and many asked for the recipe. I guess the key to yum was sweetened condensed milk in the dressing. I have no idea how many points or calories it is...probably 5 zillion! I did use the light Miracle Whip and put more veggies in it though.  I don't think I'm a bad cook, I just find ways to avoid cooking!

Finally, I'm trying to read up on all the issues to vote on tomorrow. Why must every November election be so jampacked with other measures? My presidential choice is easy (Obama is getting my vote even though McCain will surely win my state. SD hasn't had a democrat win since JFK...not even when McGovern ran and he's from the state!), but then there's the US Senate and House candidates, the state house and senate candidates, 5 million measures including one to outlaw abortions, plus more I'm forgetting about. I hope the lines aren't too long!

So, I better skidaddle if I want to get everything done today. I'll be back tomorrow with more news!

End of the Month Crazies!

I'll have to get back here with a real post later!!!  The end of the month at work means more for me to do...and I have pharmacy classes today...so I'm scrambling a bit!  First off, I lost 2.2 pounds at my weigh-in on Saturday officially bringing me into the 2s!! YAY!!  I'm thrilled, but I don't think it is going to last for this week :(

Yup, my lovely TOM came last night. I freaked out when the scale showed me 8 pounds heavier yesterday morning. Usually, I don't see that big of a bloat! I had been suffering horrible pains and a crazy migraine since the weekend, but I thought it might be more gastrointestinal related. I am hoping Aunt Flo leaves quickly this time! I hope my workouts can erase some of the damage.

I have to run, so I'll share more thoughts later!

I Need a Taser!

If you read my blog, you probably watch The Biggest Loser every week. I am so angry after watching the show last night! I yelled at my TV last night and I never get worked up about a show. When I hear about viewers who shed tears watching, I wonder if I'm a bit coldhearted. But gosh darn, I have found my emotion now!

The Poop Brown team needs to go home now. No money. No luck keeping the weight off. I never wish ill about any losers, even Neil a few seasons ago after he did a ginormous amount of waterloading. Last week I just wanted Brady and his accent to go bye-bye. Now, my death glare goes to his wife Vicky. You think a challenge prize is lame so why try? WTF?!? I hope your kids enjoyed hearing that you didn't give a rat's patootie about seeing them! You don't care about losing weight this week because you are "safe"? Gosh, your attitude slays me! Caring about the money only? Smirking when Heba tells Amy P. there is no alliance? Smirking when Brady only loses 3 pounds (oh yeah, I'm sure he did some stunt. You heard the promo for next week about how someone loses more than their entire team?? I'm betting it's Brady.) I wanted to smack that smirk off her soooo badly! If only I had Stewie Griffin's time machine so I could go back in time, head to TBL ranch, and shake her until her attitude adjusted! Heba is very low in my book as of this episode too. I just wish alliances and gameplay wouldn't be such a big part of this game and that teams didn't get to just boot bigger losers at the beginning.

I'm done spewing venom and I just hope that next week's episode is more positive and uplifting. Time to get a workout in and release the rest of my anger!

Guess I'm Going to Hell!!

I need to get to bed, but I can't sleep. So, I guess I'll write up my post for the BLBE. I apologize in advance if this is all rambly and incoherent! Serves me right for accidentally taking a three hour nap this afternoon.

First...WEIGH-IN TIME! I'm exactly the same weight according to my mom's scale. I'd go with my home scale but I can't trust it after fixing it...it gave me 298 and then 306 and then 301 and then 295. Yeah. I'll be buying a new one once I make a decision which one to buy and have the extra cash for it. Why don't I have an official WW number? My car decided to take a dump on me on the way to my meeting on Saturday! Two days ago, a light went on saying SERVICE ENGINE SOON. Well, it was running fine and if it's anything like my 'Door Open' light that picks random times to turn on, there wasn't anything wrong. My car sounded fine and I had my stepdad take a look just to make sure. 

So anyways, I'm driving to my meeting and I notice the lights on the side of my dashboard looking a bit dim. "Well, that's odd!" I thought to myself. Then, the whole dashboard went dark. Uh, oh! Then, my radio started going fuzzy. I decided to stop in the nearest parking lot because my old car did this to me on the interstate once before it died and had to get a new alternator. Luckily, I had my cell phone on me this time because once I parked, I couldn't get it started again. I was pretty sure it was just my battery. My stepdad and my uncle took their sweet time coming over to jump it, so I missed my meeting completely. Saturday afternoon, they went to get my battery checked and the service guys confirmed that it was definitely shot. So, they put a new one in and figured out it wasn't just the battery and I wouldn't last a week without getting a new alternator. Great, the same darn expensive fix that my old car needed! Guess I won't be buying anything fun this week!

Also, I have found a reason to be thankful for Giggleman. He doesn't have any pushy religious family members forcing ideas on me. (He's Jewish, I'm not, not a big deal to anybody!) I went to pick up my youngest sister and bring her to school and was running a few minutes late due to having to scrape the windshield. My other sister's car is in the driveway (the one getting married who lives two buildings away from me and I've only been in her apartment once.) I thought that the youngest called her for a ride or something. Nope, she is now living there until her wedding night instead of her apartment with her fiance. She has started going to some marriage classes with her fiance's pastor in his hometown. Well, I guess his mom and the pastor have been pushing her to move out (yet still pay rent!) until their wedding night. Staying in separate bedrooms was not good enough! I guess the pastor told her the church will pay her half of the rent if she moved out so she finally agreed (ummm, does that strike anybody as odd? And, what would you label the fund that money is coming from?)  She isn't really liking the arrangement yet, and hasn't spent much time with her fiance since then. I guess her fiance's sister even had to go up in front of the church and apologize for having a kid before she was married a while back. Harsh! I don't know what that church denomination is, but I'm glad I don't have that problem! But, if they are right, I'm going to hell!

Finally, I have been working out since my last post faithfully! I have been dropping off the Giggleman, popping in a workout video or doing a Jillian circuit, and then going back to bed if I was still tired. But, I haven't been as tired afterwards...amazing! Guess I can't use the too tired exercise excuse anymore. My goal this week is to go back to my gym instead of just scoping out the parking lot from my apartment for a Pump class. Time to try to fall asleep again before I have to get up in another 5ish hours!

No Excuses

It is Thursday morning already! I wish I had the magic power to slow down time every so often. I've been letting my exhaustion and TOM get the better of me. I can't let that excuse go any longer...those conditions aren't going to kill me (well, unless I fall asleep driving and crash!) so I just need to push through it. Thank goodness my row at work is pretty empty...I nodded off a couple of times while entering scripts yesterday! I caught myself a minute later in the middle and couldn't remember what the heck I was trying to type. Oops! I seriously need a kick in the butt to get the workouts in! No more excuses!

I found this on Bikini Envy...my goal is to find a way to combat all excuses that I come up with. A lot of the excuses said here sound too darn familiar.

To fight my sleep excuse, I'm going to try something new tomorrow. Instead of going back to bed after I drop my sister off at school and Giggleman to work, I'm going to do my workout. When I go back to bed, I can't drag myself out of bed again soon enough to fit in exercise before work. Yesterday, I was lucky enough to wake up 30 minutes before work when the alarm didn't go off! Arrgh! I can always take a nap after my workout.  That way, I can get both issues out of the way instead of only one. Wish me luck!

Time for bed so I'll let you know how it goes!

Breaking the Scale!

First, I lost 0.2 pounds for my Saturday weigh-in. I'm stuck in the 3's for another week. My body always likes to taunt me whenever I want to hit major milestones. Yeah, I know a loss is always good, but I don't have to be thrilled about the result! I know that TOM was (and still is) here, but I also wasn't vigilant on tracking either. Plus, I didn't workout as much as I wanted. So, I shouldn't be surprised!

I found my scale at home broken on Friday. Seriously! I wasn't the one responsible (I think)! When I came home from work, it was sitting in a weird position. I lifted it up and the top half was awkwardly askew from the bottom and a piece fell out.  I tried to put it back together but it was still resting at an angle and just read ERR when I tried to stand on it. I did some more fiddling with it, and I see numbers again but I'm sure they aren't right and it still is not quite parallel to the floor. I accused Giggleman of attacking it for some weird reason, but he claims no knowledge of touching it. I have no animals in the house and the scale can't spontaneously fall apart! Maybe this will break me of my scale obsession until I get a new one. I can't stand knowing how I fluctuate daily...I'm already insane from almost two days of not seeing a number! I guess this will motivate me to use the actual gym a couple of days instead of the home workouts so I can check out my weight.

Since I want to see a better loss this week, I'm unpacking the food scale I bought last week. No more guesstimating the size of a piece of meat or other portion sizes. Plus, I will be counting and tracking every point as I eat it instead of estimating and calling it good. I'm going to try Roni's Twitter eating thing when I'm out of the house...I think I'll be shocked on how off I've been.

My last goal for this week is to try a different workout each day this week. I've been relying on old standbys that don't seem to cut it anymore (I'm looking at you, Leslie Sansone!) Plus, working out on my own is getting a bit stale so I plan on trying some classes again. I just need to find my handy-dandy gym schedule so I can figure out what I can fit in between work, pharmacy study (the book is a bit bigger than I expected!), and sleeping! Look for daily updates from me this week--I seem to do better that way.

Some Richard Love!

After yesterday's whiny post, I decided it is time to change the mood! Back when I was a kid, my mom tried different weight loss methods even though she didn't really need to shed much! I remember trying the Deal-A-Meal thing with her and working out to his Sweating to the Oldies videos. Fun times!

Well, I was catching up with some reading this morning and about died after watching the following video:

OMG, that is some quality comedy gold! I think I lost 5 pounds laughing through this one :)

Why Can't You Just Leave??

Ugh, this week is flying by too fast for me! I completely forgot that pharmacy exam classes at work started this week so I've been scrambling to get ready before my first class. It would have helped if I had remembered to order my book a couple of weeks ago instead of on Monday. So, I really haven't done any reading before class today! They just sent us the syllabus on Monday (which made me remember about it!) and expected us to have 7 chapters read by today. Ummmm, not happening! I'll just wing it this week like I did back in college. (And, how did that work for you, Ms. Jodi? No comment!)

You know how I guessed I'd have a great week with food and exercise going wonderfully?  Food is great, exercise is tough! I am just so exhausted and I can't shake it...almost like I have mono for the 5 millionth time. I even have felt myself nodding off for a couple seconds while working. I don't have problems falling asleep at night and don't think I have had any sleep disturbances besides the alarm in the morning! I have tried napping this week after bringing Giggleman to work which has cut down my exercise time. Napping is not helping, so workouts are back on my schedule.

I'm also retaining water like crazy this week!  My engagement ring will not budge. Yes, it is my wonderful true TOM. A while back I complained about the spotty cycle where it showed up for a day or two, left for a while and came back for another day or so. Well, last month my TOM came and never really left...just changed from heavy dark deluge to dark pink light drizzle...and now I'm at the true dark shedding again.  I was put on Yasmin last year to control this issue, but my body is saying "Screw you! I'll do what I want just to spite your synthetic help!" I've dealt with funky period issues since age 16 so I'm not shocked by anything. I'm sure my iron is running low due to my extended visitor, so I know this is one reason for my exhaustion. If Aunt Flo doesn't leave by the end of the week, I'll check out the gyno that my mom mentioned. Her work friend has a daughter with issues like mine and is doing so much better. I know I have PCOS (it took a neurologist checking out my blood work and past ultrasounds/MRIs/other tests 3 years ago to finally lead my doctor towards that diagnosis), and he has mentioned the possibility of endometriosis a long time ago but he hasn't chosen to check further. (And I haven't pushed him either...I know I need to be my own advocate!) As I've mentioned in other posts, my doctor is no longer so cool and on top of things (like how he dealt with thyroid issues), so I have to find one who can help. I've delayed looking due to the lack of insurance while I was temping (and not wanting to pay high COBRA charges), but I've been fully insured since April and still am procrastinating. So, part of this is my fault! 

I really didn't mean to make this whole post a complaint! Sorry!

In other news, I watched the Biggest Loser last night without reading any recaps beforehand! Do you know how hard it is not to read FatBridesmaid's recap when I get home? She is spot on! I want the Brown team gone already, too! Also, I have a PPP update. Still missing! I know it is at home somewhere. Giggleman said he will find it for me by tonight. He has a knack for finding all my missing stuff.  He better find it or his crown will be tarnished :)  I need to get dressed for class, so I'll be back with a more cheery update tomorrow!

I'm Nothing if Not Consistent!

Second verse, same as the first! Second weigh-in, same amount lost. So, I'm still in the 300s for another week...down -1.6 bringing me to 300.4. Just a measly 0.4 pounds away! My loss is going soooo slowly this time. I'll see how this week goes since I'm now back to regular workouts.

Giggleman didn't sign up for overtime or find any other excuses, so he made it to the WW meeting yesterday. After seeing his gain (only 0.4 but still!!) and hearing about a person in our meeting who has lost 120some pounds, he found his motivation again. So, he promises that he'll get on board with eating better this week. Time will tell if he sticks to his word or not.

I finally found the way to torture Giggleman on Saturday! He always teases me about being a band geek throughout high school and college. He has NEVER been to a marching band competition and vowed that he wouldn't get to one! I dragged him to the Festival of Bands finals last night. He was shocked that the stadium was full of band lovers! I think he enjoyed some of it...well, at least he liked keeping track of how many flags, rifles, etc. were dropped :) My old high school performed well, but I don't think as well as when I was in it with the previous director! But, I'm biased! I'll get him to a DCI competition when it comes to town next summer. Those are the best!

I'm off to work on our grocery list for the week, so I'll post more later!

Lost and Found

I can't find my Pretty Pink Poddy (aka my iPod)! Yes, I named her that so there! The last time I remember, she was on my bed. I looked on the side of the bed, under the bed, around the bed, in it, and all spots again. I'm beyond sad. I was going to use the treadmill or the elliptical today, and PPP saves me from wicked boredom. I may just have to do another workout instead. (Sniff!) Also, I will have to go to work without my tunes and podcasts to keep my brain from going numb after staring at a computer screen too long. What's a girl to do?

I wish I could send a text message to my iPod so I can magically find her. That's how I always find my cell phone...despite plugging it in, it likes to jump off the charger and roam. I think my apartment is the real Bermuda Triangle. I lose so many things in here. Sometimes, the items will come back but some will never be seen again. This awesome lip gunk I bought? Who knows where it is! My black sports bra? I wish it would come back! My fancy measuring cup thingy? Probably hiding in Giggleman's pants for all I know! I've lost a whole set of keys...which miraculously appeared after being gone 6 months...but are now gone again. I'm going to have to attach a GPS unit to all of my important things. Seriously!

I have had the same problem with my weight. Lost it, find some back, lose some more, find it back plus gain more, lose again. After reading a blog post today (I think it was Alexa but I'm too lazy to check for sure!), I realized I had no recovery mode in my past attempts. When I saw the scale moving up again, I didn't really do much to combat it. So, along with cultivating the best habits, I need to work on my recovery so that I don't have to lose this much ever again!

I am freezing again in the house and am too stubborn to put the heat on, so I'm going to go outside and enjoy the sun. I think it is warmer outside than in right now. Or my thyroid is on crack again and I'll just have to bundle up like an Eskimo for the rest of the day! I'll be back tomorrow with my WI and with a workout report (which would be so much easier with my Pretty Pink Poddy!)

Death by Jillian Michaels

First official workout of October: DONE! If I'm dead tomorrow, you'll have Jillian Michaels to thank! A few months ago, I bought one of her books and it had a code for a free month to her website. Well, I decided to try her out! As some readers know, I am quite a fan of Miss Jillian. I listen to her podcasts each week, I have all her workout videos except 30 Day Shred and some teen one she made, and of course, I watch The Biggest Loser every week. Once I buy a Wii, I'll definitely be buying her video game that you can preorder now.

Jillian's website is based on three major elements: Self, Science, and Sweat (just like her first book). I haven't checked out the science (food plans, recipes, oxidizer type, etc.) yet. Today, I was ready to conquer the Sweat! Today, I was scheduled for a lovely, painful circuit. I'm used to working out hard back from when I was doing marathon training, but that was about 3 years ago, so I decided to set myself at Level One (the beginner level). Good choice! Thank you, brain!

Below is what I just completed. I did a bit more jumping jacks and rope than the 1 minute suggested and I think I may have did a few extra sets because I lost count in my head, so it took me about 1 hour and 15 minutes.

Circuit One: (repeat 3 times)

1. Wide Grip Pulldown (12)
2. Jumping Rope (1 minute)
3. Hack Squats (12...I did 16 each time...yes, I'm crazy)

Circuit Two (repeat 3 times)

1. Dumbbell Row (12)
2. Jumping Jacks (1 minute)
3. Forward Lunges (12 each side)

Circuit Three (repeat 3 times)

1. Supermans (12 I noticed my carpet had an odd odor so I whipped out the Febreeze. Then, it smelled like lavender vanilla funk! After the third set, my back told me "Stop with the strengthening already!")
2. Jumping Jacks (1 minute, very sick of jumping jacks by the third set!)
3. Static Lunges (12 each side, My legs and arse muscles cried after the third set)

Oh no, we are not done yet!!!

Circuit Four (repeat 3 times)

1. Dumbbell Bicep Curl (12)
2. Jumping Jacks (1 minute, I'm sure my downstairs neighbors love me by now!)
3. Bicycle Crunches (12 I remember these from Winsor Pilates. Mari on the video did them much faster than Jillian's instructions. My core muscles did not like being activated after such a lapse!)

Circuit Five (repeat 3 times, Thank goodness this is the last circuit!!!!)

1. Concentration Curls (12 each arm)
2. Jumping Rope (1 minute)
3. Russian Twists (12, My core begged me to leave it alone after the 2nd set but I pushed through)

Oh yes, I had a warm-up and cool-down as well included in my time above. Next time, I will learn how to keep count! I worked hard on keeping my form throughout, so I hope not to experience too much pain later today. Now, I must hurry and get ready for work, so I'll be back later!

What is Missing??

I am cold!! Not just cold, FREEZING!! Let me put it this way: I'm huddled under two layers of blankets, my nose is starting to drip, and I'm seriously considering typing with mittens. SERIOUSLY!! Gotta love the true change to fall going on this week! Last week, I woke up to temps at least in the 60s...today it was 41! Next week, the weatherman I can't stand said we'll be seeing some frost (guess I should start hunting for my ice scraper now!) I wonder when our first snow will be this year. Maybe I should start pulling out my sweaters.

I've been seeing quite a few people posting their Wordles on their blogs lately so I decided to take a look and find out what mine looks like. Ta Da!

I'm seeing some keywords that are desperately needed in my word cloud. Why aren't they there? I haven't wrote about them in quite a while, evidently! I'll give myself 50 lashes with a wet noodle. What are those words: Workout, Exercise, Walking, Treadmill, etc. You get the picture! That changes today! No, I won't just randomly type those words in my next posts, silly! You'll start seeing my workout reports right here tomorrow. My October goal is to get 25 true workouts in for the month. I'm not going to be counting my walks during work breaks, even those are great! Stay tuned!

I'm Only in Charge of Me

So, yesterday was weigh-in day. Did I make it to WW on time? Yes, I made it there all by myself! Despite the sickness lack of workouts, I'm down 1.6 pounds. Yay! My goal for next week is to lose 2 pounds and finally wave bye to the 300s for good.

As I said, I went to WW by myself. Giggleman accepted overtime again and refused to get up for the only time he could go to. I'm sick of fighting with him about it...I can only control myself and if he is going to be a piss ant, I'm not going to even try. It's not my money he is wasting by not showing up! Showing him how to track his food doesn't make him keep it up. Rolling my eyes and complaining just makes him be more stubborn about making changes. So, I have to change my tactics or let him figure it out himself.  So for now, I'll concentrate on myself and if any of my changes rub off on him, woohoo. At least he has no problem with going to the gym!

In BLBE news, my feed reader is exploding with all the blogs I had never discovered before. Wow! I think I've made it up to the Hs...so much more to go!  This is great and I'm so glad I decided to join.

Pain and Agony

This week has been brutal!  I've been sick all week (nausea, stomach cramps, migraines, fever, body aches, etc.) Today, I feel a little better than death warmed over, so here I am!

On Monday, I went to the chiropractor for the first time in years. There was one at the bridal fair who was doing free screenings, so I set up an appointment after seeing my nerve scan results.  He had a deal where X-rays, a full spine checkup, and whatnot would be only $10.  Can't pass up a deal!  I've been having lots of headaches, weird numbness, and sharp pains lately so it was time to find some kind of help. He told me my results were quite unusual and I'm pretty much screwed up!  I pretty much figured that out on my own :)  First, imagine the curvature of the spine in the neck area as a banana facing one way. Mine is facing the opposite way which he said most likely causes all the awful headaches that I get. When he checked out my posture, he asked if any doctor has mentioned anything about having a short leg. Ummmm, no? He pointed out my one shoulder sits up quite a bit higher than the other one. I looked in the mirror and it's clearly visible...I never realized it though! He needed a bit more time to go over the rest of the x-ray results, so he said he'd call me that night if anything else stood out. When he called, he said he found some issues in my lower back, but he believed that chiropractic care would help the issues he found. So, I'll have to set up an appointment after I check out my insurance coverage.

Also, thank you so much for all the helpful comments on my last posts! I really needed a kick!  I will definitely be going to my meeting tomorrow no matter what time it is. I've been sticking to my points (so hard to get the full amount in when my stomach doesn't want food the past few days) ever since starting meetings. Being sick has hurt me a bit in the exercise for this week, but I should see a loss!

Yes, I'm Officially a Spazz!

I made a goal for myself when I joined WW last week. I would NOT miss a week unless I'm dying. Well, I already blew it!!!! Giggleman informed me Friday night that he had to work Saturday morning. So, we'd have to attend a meeting at 6:30 AM in order for both of us to go together.  OMG, that is early for me! I used to get up that early almost every day before I changed jobs. Now, I'm spoiled by my later shift and getting to sleep in. When the alarm rang, we were still tired, so he decided to skip and I decided I'd go without him later. After bringing him to work at 8 AM, I decided to sleep for 2 more hours, then get ready to go to the 11 AM meeting. Obviously, I overslept or this paragraph would have no point! 

So, my weigh-in will have to go by my home scale...304.4. I have no idea if that is close to the WW weight or not, because I forget what my home numbers were last week. 

In other news, I went to a wedding show today with two of my sisters. While my sister was getting her hair styled for free, she spied her fiance's ex-girlfriend. She's getting married too! The ex stared my sis down and we could tell she was checking out her ring to compare who's was bigger. Ha! She then straightened up, made a prissy face, and covered her stomach. Methinks there was something she was trying to hide.  I then ran into someone I knew...well I think I know her. We had a totally normal conversation and I told her I almost didn't recognize her with short hair and glasses. I think she was someone I used to work with. After she left, I started to doubt my memory and thought maybe she was another person from the past. Oh well!

Time for my rant of the day! There was a booth for LA Weight Loss at the show. The chick there was giving her spiel to some brides that walked past about losing weight. The women she specifically targeted were all thin!!  She came up to my sister who maybe has only 10 pounds she could part with before starting to look anorexic and offering her all kinds of crap.  She totally ignored the bigger gals who were checking out her papers.  WTF?  My sister used to have body image issues...way to make her doubt herself! She asked me if I thought she should lose 20 pounds afterwards.  I noticed this same type of thing when they were at my company's health fair. If that is LA's strategy, I do not agree with it!  Also, some vendors completely ignored me and then made a huge effort to talk up my sister. Grrrrr, well they won't be getting my business!

Giggleman is getting antsy, so I'm going to have to cut this entry short. I guess I'll have to visit my fellow BLBE peeps tomorrow!

Facebook This!

Last week, my sister asked me if I had a Facebook account. When I asked why, she said she just had to show me her engagement pictures. Ummmm, why can't she just email them to me? (BTW, I am totally over not being picked and now one of my other sisters is not part of it either...the little diva changed her mind and is having one sister and one friend as her peeps. Flighty!) I am just not into these social applications. I know I'll get slammed about this, but my position has always been that MySpace is lame...so Facebook can just get added to that list. Giggleman tells me that it just has to do with my "Old Soul" attitude. Hey, I love my computers, IPods, and other gadgets just as much as the young kiddies! But, I love old movies and music and just get along better with those older than me...nothing wrong with that! Do I want to get in touch with people I used to go to school? Not so much! Am I a bit interested? Maybe!

So, I logged into Giggleman's account (yes, he has profiles on both sites and I remind him often how lame he is!) to check out her pictures and other stuff. I know he has a lot of high school friends and others from his hometown linked to him, so I thought I'd search with my school info and see what came up. I only ran across a few names that I recognized. So, unlike what my sisters and Giggleman told me, I am not the ONLY person in the world who is not on Facebook or MySpace. Neener, neener, neener!

I checked out her pictures...wow, I had a reality check! I did not think I looked smaller than I do now when I lost a ton of weight almost 3 years ago now. In one of the Diva's albums, she had pictures of me from Christmas that scared me to death!

My weight was up about 15 pounds more than now...I could have been Santa's stand-in! I really noticed the difference in my face. I need to find my other pictures to show a comparison. I'm the one in the pink on the right!

I also found a picture she posted of all my bridesmaids in their dresses. I just hope they still fit into them by this time next year! Of course, she doesn't have a picture of me in my wedding dress because she isn't in it! LOL!

In weight loss news...I've found a couple of challenges that will keep me motivated! The wonderful Angie has set up a Biggest Loser challenge that begins on Sunday. I also found a challenge on SparkPeople related to the Biggest Loser. Yay!

Off to workout before I have to get ready for work, so I'll be back with more tomorrow!

Not a Zombie!

Hey all! I'm back from the blogging dead. I didn't mean to make the absence so long...I've been working overtime at my main job, started a new venture for some extra cash, working on some medical issues, and changing my wedding date again (not my fault this time!) I also have my own functioning Internet again...YAY!!!  So, I'm back to posting and I promise to keep this up regularly.

So what is new?  On Saturday, my fiance and I joined WW together. I know I had hemmed and hawed about it for awhile.  I finally took the plunge after reading about the "Lose for Good" program. Why not lose weight for a good cause? You know what really sucks about being a female? I have been eating pretty cleanly for months now and Giggleman has been eating whatever the heck he wants, ignoring vegetables completely, and rarely working out...he weighs in 40 pounds less than the last time he stepped on a scale (I think it was February or March) and I'm a couple pounds up from when I last weighed in here...303.6. Seriously!

I enjoy being a girl...

I'll just sing that a few times and get to feeling better about that! I'm not going to complain about my messed up thyroid and PCOS. I'm just going to overcome and do more exercise. The scale is not the only indicator of success...the scale is not the only indicator of success...the scale.... 

I'm not mental!  Ha!  So anyway, as I was saying way up there, my wedding date has changed.  The pastor at my church changed, and somehow, they overbooked June 13th. Lovely! I was last, so we got the boot.  We could have went elsewhere, but I'd feel weird going to another church for just one occasion, having to deal with unpredictable weather by going outdoors, or just picking a random place that wasn't already booked.  So, we checked with our reception site for new dates...I didn't want a time in late July or August...so it is now September 19th, 2009! This will be the last time my date changes or I'm going to elope. Seriously!

I am still working on something special to add here once weekly...once I figure out the kinks!  I'll be back tomorrow with some Biggest Loser news!

I Am So Petty!

For those wondering, I have not joined WW just yet.  I am going to try it on my own for a bit longer and make a decision when out of control hormones aren't playing a part.  I'm going to keep up my gym commitment a bit longer before I change it up.

In other news...my sister is now engaged!  We knew it was coming but she didn't think it would happen until this winter.  Her fiance asked my parents officially last week and the family had to keep it quiet until he popped the question.  They had already had wedding chats and talked about colors and where to have and blah blah blah beforehand.  I think he's a good match for her in most ways (maybe a bit more controlling than I'd expect her to like), but she is a lot less crazy and actually has stuck with a job under his influence.

Anyways, I got a message from her today saying she was home sick and to call her back when I get a chance.  When I call, she asks me to be her personal attendant.  I didn't know what to say.  She is my MOH.  She is also performing a song (after putting up a fuss about which song we wanted her to do, wanting the other song we picked, then not wanting that one, and going back to the first again).  So, I'd be the go and fetch girl and make her feel like the star...a part I've played too often in her life.  I kind of thought she would choose me to do something else.  I didn't think I'd be her MOH since there were rumors about having 1 or no attendants.  Then, I found out my other sisters will both be in the wedding party.  Her MOH will be my youngest sister who just turned 16.  So, I feel like the ugly stepchild once again...I'm not good enough for her...I'm not included yet again...sigh.  I should be happy that she wants me to do anything but I guess I'm just being petty.  I know I'm being stupid, but I just can't stop crying about it. 

Arrrgh, I hate this!  All I can think about is how I feel snubbed.  It's her wedding...I should just smile and be happy for her.  I just keep thinking it's because of something I did/didn't do and because she doesn't want a blob up front.   I'm being all negative and I need to stop.  I'm going to walk to clear my head and stop thinking about this!!

Drinking Too Much Kool-Aid

I'm 95% sure I'm going to do it.  I keep trying to convince myself I don't need them, but external forces keep persuading me that I'm wrong.  Maybe I've been fed too much of their Kool-Aid and now I'm convinced to become another member of their cult.  But, I have been a member before and I've succeeded so it can't be that bad. Ohhhhh, I can't decide what to do!

By now you're probably wondering, "What the hell are you rambling about, woman?"  Well, I'm considering joining Weight Watchers again.  I keep telling myself I can make these "lifestyle changes" on my own...I already know the points program...I don't need to pay just to get recognition from others.  Or, why not just try the online program if I'm feeling like I need it?  The problem is, if I don't have a face-to-face encounter, I end up slacking off.  Why not get some friends and family members to meet me at the scale each week for weigh-ins?  They can give me a pat on the back for a job well done.  OMG, I do not want them knowing my weight!  Last week, I went over to my mom's house for her birthday and my sister asked "Have you been losing weight?"  My first response was to adamantly shake my head no with a mortified expression on my face.  But, we know the truth...I have lost some weight.  But, I don't want her watching me for those changes.  She'll start looking for me to eventually fail, like I have in the past.  That's what my head tells me anyways.  And of course, Giggleman knows I'm working on my goals and supports me, but he loves me no matter what weight I am and doesn't stop me when I have the urge to slack off. 

Weight Watchers has given me the accountability I desperately needed in the past.  And, I love the little stickers, key chains, other doohickeys, and cheers from strangers when I succeed.  When I thought about filling myself up too much, I stopped myself by remembering I had a meeting coming up.  Why should I have to pay for that though?  Can't I reward myself?  Isn't the support from the HYC, blog readers, and people on other forums enough? Three years ago, online support was all I needed.  In the past, I could do it all by myself, but as I get older, each pound gets harder to shed, and I need all the support I can.  I know I can do it on my own for a little while.  But then, I get a little sloppy...and that's when I need the extra push.  Also, a lot of the successful weight-loss bloggers are WW members.  So, I get more encouragement to join by reading about their successes.  But, I've also read those who developed eating disorders or had old ones kick in again when on WW.  I don't think I'll go nuts and start starving myself.  So, I think I'm joining.  Unless my mind gives me another reason not to in the next couple of hours.  Sigh.

Days 58-60: Sleep is NOT Overrated!

Here goes try #2 to post this!  I wrote a long, rambling entry in the wee hours of the morning...when I clicked publish, my system froze and I guess my draft didn't save either.  Grrrr....

So anyways, I haven't stepped on the scale since Monday but I feel lighter.  Maybe it's due to my haircut!  Taking off 2 inches or so and thinning out my thick, unmanageable mane can do wonders.  My stylist even found a way to make my natural curl come out from hiding and not make me look like I had a fro in the process. Yay!  I've been eating pretty well since giving myself a kick in the pants and I'm going to keep the momentum going this time.

So, how am I doing with the gym?  Here is where my title kicks in.  Towards the end of the month, work managers get quite anxious to beef up numbers.  Which means my boss "strongly encourages all on the team to work at least 4 hours extra for the next couple of days."  I get home late enough and now you want me to do more?  Go in earlier means losing my workout time or sleep and working later makes my struggle to fall asleep start later.  Lovely!

Seriously, I am feeling half dead right now.  When I get home, it takes me forever to wind down and fall asleep.  Just when I finally am getting some good zzzs in, Giggleman's loud alarm rouses me from slumber.  So, I have to get up, get dressed, and drive him to work.  I am the official chauffeur because he doesn't have a license or much experience behind the wheel yet.  Darn New York City transplants and their use of subways and foot power!  He had no need to drive there, so I'm going to have to teach him more when I have the time.  Here in the Midwest, we're driving as soon as the law allows (age 14 here), and many farm kids start much sooner (scary thought!)  After I get home, I can't fall asleep again so well and I only have a few hours before needing to get ready for work.  Maybe I'll have to try sleeping pills again since natural methods aren't working.  I last used Ambien a few years ago when I was lucky to sleep an hour or two each night (known here as the year I'd like to forget!)

My big gym plan will start on Saturday when I have no more overtime!  I have perused the gym schedule and have picked a list of classes I'm interested in and work well in my own schedule.  I'm trying a different class each day...cardio pump, spinning, aqua aerobics, some weight training circuit one, mat fusion (combines yoga and pilates), a class that includes Bosus, balls, and steps, and some aerobic dance type thingy which I don't remember the name.  After the week is up, I'll decide which one(s) I'll commit to continue going.  I'm tired of the solo workouts and the treadmill so I can't wait to start!!

Days 52-57: Hovering

My weight freakout from last week is over!!   Every single time the scale goes up and stalls, it's usually due to an Aunt Flo visit.  I was not expecting another one, since she already did make a short appearance this month.  Well, she came back and is still here for an extended stay.  I don't know if it's due to my efforts or what, but my TOM is so goofy since working out and trying to eat right.  Before, I had heavy periods lasting over a week (sometimes almost a month long!)...and then sometimes skip a month or two or more.  Now, I have spotting or something that lasts a day or two in between what I actually consider a true one and the true ones aren't so heavy.  Maybe I'm getting closer to normal!  But, I would like to do without the hormonal, emotional crapfest that goes along with each time!

As others reminded me, the scale would and did move back down over the course of the week.  But, I'm still not into new loss territory for this round...still hovering at 11 down.  It's my fault...I'm still not putting in the same effort I did during June.  Plus, I had too many family celebrations that revolved around eating this week.  Two birthdays, an anniversary, and a family reunion wore me out!  I'm a whiz at math, but my body is stubborn and won't stick with the calories in/out numbers my mind orders it to obey.

So, I'm going back to the basics since I haven't mastered them!  I didn't keep up with the food journal much this month, so I'm back to tracking diligently again.  Breakfast went on the wayside...I'm vowing to put that back on the menu.  And most importantly?  I'm making a workout schedule that will work for me.  Exercise is always the area that gets put on the backburner due to the usual excuses.  I feel better when I workout, but I let other things take precedence over gym or workout video time.  I will be adding a workout tracker to my sidebar tomorrow, so if you see more than a day between workouts, ask me what is going on!

Days 44-51: Time for a Reboot

July is just really turning into an awful month for me to succeed in the health and fitness changes!  My mom was sent to the hospital after going to a regular checkup (that she had considered rescheduling) on Friday with a problem that could have been quite serious.  So, we pretty much camped out at the hospital most of the weekend and then ate crap as a family for meals.  I can feel my body is swelling up like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and just know the scale will read a inflated number.  With the way I feel, I know the number on the scale will seriously take the wind out of my sails.  I'll feel like crap and could give up.  I don't want to feel that way and I WILL CONTINUE DOING THE RIGHT THINGS!! I'm not strong enough to be able to handle seeing the number right now. So, I'm choosing not to remember this last week existed and will weigh in again next week for the Biggest Loser challenge.

I know, I'm a big chicken!!  But, I'm doing this for my own long-term success.  I am the best at sabotaging myself.  If I get a compliment, I have an urge to hide away.  If someone flirts with me at the gym, I start avoiding it (it's happened in the past!) If I see a big gain, I know I might binge...I don't have any junk in the house, but eating too much of the healthy food isn't a good thing either!  By avoiding the scale one week, I'm allowing my body to override my mind and continue good efforts for longer.  I have a week to clear out the July mental junk, and will be in a better, non-sabotaging head space to handle a gain or a loss by Monday.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Days 38-43: The Sound of Silence

Sorry for the lack of posting the rest of last week.  I was in a bad hormonal headspace!!  I was cranky, fought with Giggleman too often over dumb things like "OMG, how did you lose my peanut butter!" or "It is so your fault I can't find my keys!", and he quickly learned to avoid me for a few days.

You Would Think I Was Taking These!!!!

But, I did get chosen as Employee of the Month!  At least Aunt Flo did not effect my work performance :)  I didn't expect it at all since I only became an "official" employee in mid-April.  So what do I get?  I pretty much get a "good job" from my boss and a special parking space in the front row on the other side of the building.  I think my normal place I park is a bit closer to my preferred door than this one. 

I know what you're waiting to hear now...did you get your gym workouts in?  NO!  I know, I know...I had that wonderful post full of motivation.  But, I also didn't mention the horrible experience I had last time.  When I was in the changing room, this girl and her mom come in to change.  The girl would not stop staring at me!  I felt like I was in 5th grade again trying to avoid letting the other girls see all of me in the locker room again.  I then head off to the gym and all was ok in the world again.  After my workout, I changed into my swimsuit to meet Giggleman in the pool.  I noticed he was looking pretty grumpy.  He proceeded to tell me about his experience in the pool.  "There was this mother and daughter...the girl pointed and laughed when she got near me...the mother pulls her aside and tell her not to laugh in front of a fat person, make sure that you just laugh on the inside!"  WTF!!  I was not shocked out to find out that it was the same people I encountered in the locker room. 

With the way I was feeling last week, I wanted to smack them silly...but I didn't and did my usual thing of avoiding the situations that piss me off.  My shy, try to hide away side won out yet again...and of course, that side of me doesn't help me much in life.  My gym avoidance ends today!  I'm not on the rag, I'm not in pain, and I'm not about to let some idiots ruin my plans.  I'm up a pound from last week, but I'm not going to give up!!  You will see a workout report tomorrow!

Day 37: Planning to Succeed

I am trying a new program that is supposed to make adding pictures and videos to my blog so much easier.  If it works, you'll be seeing a lot more fun things from me here in future posts :)

So, as I mentioned in my last post, I have been slacking off on exercising for too many days.  Why do I always put off doing things that would be good for me?  I have not figured out that answer, but I sure know how to make enough excuses. I am not putting off moving one more day, despite my cramping.  If I remember correctly, working out seemed to help ease that pain before.  If I don't post with workout results tomorrow, you're allowed to bitchslap me in the comments.  I've also made a plan to check out a class that interests me this week called Pump.  It is supposed to have weight training and cardio in it and it sounds a lot like a class I used to love at my old gym.  The reason why I no longer go to that place is because the class kept on getting canceled for the day I could go.  No answers why...it was always well-attended!  If I can't get myself back on track using my own determination, I will do the unthinkable....get a personal trainer.  I can't so easily back out of a REAL appointment, I would feel bad about wasting money, plus a good one will know how to push me to achieve my best.

I've also pulled out the good ol' Beck book again.  I admit, I stopped reading after Day 14 or so.  Amazingly, some of the assignments after that day make a lot of sense.  One assignment was to plan out a whole week of meals.  I'm also supposed to write down if I eat more than I planned or added any foods and how I felt and blah, blah, blah.  This task frightened me because I am not much of a planner (can ya tell?)  Well, I say I'm going to plan and then I throw away the plan.  I was very successful when I followed the meal plan/grocery list with Ediets a few years ago.  Why did I stop doing that?  It's too long of a story for now, but maybe I'll write about that time of my life later.  I also didn't think I needed to be so structured about eating right.  Errrr, I think I do.  I honestly am going to work out a meal plan for me and have it ready by the weekend.  I'd start my plan earlier this week, but shopping and cooking will just keep me away from the gym, which is my first priority.  I will not let Giggleman convince me to throw my dinner plans out the window, like I did too often last week.  We'll see how that works.

It is way too late and I don't want to use the tired excuse for tomorrow's...ummmm make that later today's workout so I'll be back with more news later!

Days 31-36: The Blob Returns?

I am typing today on our new laptop! I don't have to use our dumb desktop anymore. Yay! Well, I really don't have a problem with the other computer, I just really hated sitting at the desk using it. We never got around to buying a nice computer chair...the temporary folding chair was a literal pain in my ass. Then, Giggleman got the bright idea to move the computer into the bedroom and we could sit on the bed or lay down and use it (his favorite way)....NO!!! NO!! NO!! I've tried to do it his way for two months and I couldn't stand it anymore. Plus, the desktop couldn't handle all the applications I usually used for photos and games and whatnot. So, we bought one with a bit of his government stimulus check plus his regular pay. The rest went into our wedding fund, no worries!!

Since I posted last, I have been a workout slacker. I have not went to the gym for the past 5 days. I was planning on going Saturday, but then Giggleman wanted to go to an early showing of Hancock (I liked it!), and then my mom decided to throw a belated 4th of July picnic since my sister wasn't at big family picnic on Friday. She sure missed out on some verbal fireworks at that one...wish I would have missed that one too! Sunday, I set the alarm to go to the gym but woke with a horrible headache and my stomach in agony. By the end of the day, the pain decided to focus on my girlie parts down there. Fuck me! I'm pretty darn sure that it must be ovulation cramping, possibly a reason why I was cranky, craving sugar, and lashing out at my poor Giggleman various times over the weekend. I am NOT ready for my monthly visitor again anytime soon and I think I need to switch the birth control meds again or something because the ones I'm on are NOT HELPING!! I'd love to be able to know exactly when to plan for Aunt Flo's arrival...

So, I was dreading having to post with my weigh-in today. I figured I'd have a gain of 4-5 pounds. I was ready to hang my head down in shame and start berating myself about my workouts and not eating carefully enough and everything else. I'd go on about how I'll be perfect this week and not let anything get in my way (and then be a quitter when I would most likely fail.) But no, I've decided to suck it up. I didn't go to the gym, but I walked quite a bit on Friday and Saturday. Yes, my body is used to doing more, but I'll work harder this week. I also went over what I ate this past week. I did overindulge on Skittles yesterday, a personal pizza on Saturday night after a fight, and a couple of brownies on Friday and Saturday. I know why I ate what I did...I didn't think it through and was emotional. I stopped myself before I went into full-on binge mode. My other meals were on track and I'm on track today so far. I'm not giving up on myself at all. Baby steps...

The weigh-in results: 301.0. No gain, no loss. I'm shocked. I'll take it.

Day 30: One Month Down, A Lifetime to Go

Since I've made it through one month of my 100-day challenge, I thought I'd do a recap of what I've accomplished and what I will focus on for the next month.

First off: I forgot to post my weigh-in for the Biggest Loser Challenge yesterday! Oops! I'm down to 301 as of Monday. On the weekend, I saw 299 on the gym scale and today, I'm down again. My scale just doesn't like to cooperate with Monday weigh-ins!

Measurements: I only have my waist measurement from the fitness expo to reveal June progress. Today, I'll be whipping out the tape to get measurements in other areas to track my progress from this point on. But, I have lost 5 INCHES(?!?!!) from my waist since then. Holy Hannah! I didn't think that was even remotely possible! The SBD does say you'll lose a lot of belly fat, so I guess cutting out too many carbs must do the trick. I have noticed my pants being a bit baggy around the waist...not so much change in my ass :)

Food tracking: I've been diligent with logging everything into SparkPeople this whole time. I do need to work on weighing some items to get better accuracy, like meats. (Reminder to self: find food scale.) I really need to work more on cutting down the fat a bit, like making sure I pick the low-fat cheeses.

Cooking: I haven't done that much...Giggleman still does the majority because the messy kitchen scares me and I just can't find the thing I'm looking for when I need it! He has promised me that he will have it clean by this weekend, and then I'll finally show him more of my cooking skills (or poison him with my lack of it!) I work till 11:15 during the week, so I really need to start preparing my own suppers and taking them to work instead of relying on him to having food ready when I get home. He still is pretty much a meat and potatoes guy, so getting him to love the veggies this past month has been a chore!! I think this is one of my biggest areas to work on for the next month.

Exercise: I'm finally a gym member again and I live right across the street from it, so I have no excuse not to go! I have skipped a few days though (bad me!) I missed a few days due to some pain (my bloody baby toe massacre from bad shoes rubbing them the wrong way and shin splints!) and I still find other excuses (the bed looks soooo good right now). I've started doing more strength training in the past week because my arms are still such weaklings. I'm also planning on going to aqua aerobics and a pump class because they look fun! So, my goal is to spend 20 days in the gym this month. Driving past it and waving on the way to work will not count :) Goal 2 is increasing the weight my arms can handle by 25 pounds on a consistent basis this month. Not too hard, eh?

Mental: I don't love all of me yet, but I love parts of me! Giggleman took a few pictures of me on Sunday and I just couldn't stand to look at them. I looked so much puffier than when I see myself in the mirror. I don't know why that is! But, I thought my legs looked good. I wish my rack would shrink some, but I like it overall (and Giggleman loves it). And, I desperately need a haircut and color. My hands aren't as puffy. I almost wanted to give up after seeing me on the camera screen. So, as you can tell, I do need to work more on my positive self-talk and love. I'll figure out some ways to work on that later :)

Other than that, I feel pretty good about the way things are going. Of course, I wish the scale would move faster, but I'm trying to just be happy with whatever number I get. This task isn't easy!!

Days 27-29: Delaying Gratification

After reaching 10 pounds lost (and never to be found again!), I realized I never have determined any goals for myself rather than the general "get fit, eat well, look hotter" blah, blah. I know a lot of weight-loss bloggers pick a cool gift or something fun when they reach each milestone. I thought that would work pretty well for me. Gigglepuss loves presents anytime!!!

So, I decided to shop around online and get some ideas of things that I want. I want a new digital camera, I need a new swimsuit, I really, really want to buy a heartrate monitor, I would love to go on vacation, I always need a new book to read....but I need to save for the wedding! But, if I space my goals out, I can afford some fun splurges down the road, right? Well, I just shouldn't be trusted with a credit card, just like I shouldn't be trusted with strawberry cheesecake. (Go ahead and put 10 tons of chocolate in front of me and I won't touch it, but I loves me some cheesecake!)

Here is a list of what I ended up purchasing since Thursday:

1. Two pairs of workout pants from Old Navy (I still hate you for switching to online buying only for my size but I can't ignore your prices!) on sale
2. Two pairs of flipflops (Old Navy sale yet again!)
3. Two workout video sets from Jillian Michaels
4. Two books (Half-Assed and Where Did All the Fat Go?)
5. New swimsuit from Old Navy that I plan on wearing to aqua aerobics (mine is two years old and getting very thin in certain spots)
6. Three tops and two pairs of capris from Lane Bryant for $60 total (gotta love coupons!)

I rarely go shopping crazy, but sometimes I just can't help myself. I think that could be part or my weight issues too. I usually do pretty well and eat on plan, but when I get around some things I haven't had in awhile (pizza, the previously mentioned cheesecake), I just have to have some. I need to figure out how to control myself! The food will still be available later...you can plan to have it and still stay in calorie-range. Just don't go chowing down when you've already had your scheduled meal. And just because there is a lot left over, you don't have to finish it all up now. What is going to be the best for you...enjoying the food for the moment in your mouth or later when you beat yourself up about it? I can think of these ways to combat it now but where is my brain when the temptation is actually there? Blech, I hate thinking too deeply!

So, maybe I'll save some of these things that I bought for a reward down the road. I don't know if I'll be able to control myself knowing that they are right there and available in the closet, though!

Days 24-26: Backed Up

Yay, I have a chance to post today! Giggleman's hours at work changed this week, so he has been home more in the morning. I get to see him more, which is great, but I don't get my time in on here. I'll deal :)

I'm still working hard with eating well...I'm still having issues with some sabotaging thoughts like "Why can't I eat this?" or "It's not fair!" or "I can do whatever I want" or "Just one won't hurt me". Time to reread that day in the Beck book. Yep, I'm still reading it, even though I think some of her ideas are crap. You know what is unfair? The way men can lose weight faster than women sucks! Giggleman weighed in at the gym this week...he's lost about 30 more pounds since March, and he has only cut back a bit on his food intake. WTF? I know my weight loss is going to be a LOT slower due to the conditions I fight (it'd help if I would stop typing and call the doc to renew my thyroid and PCOS scripts while I'm complaining). I also need to be vigilant on saying NO and working on doing my own cooking when the man doesn't. The kitchen is a mess at the moment and I don't want to clean it so I keep out! But then, I make other bad food choices to compensate. Sometimes I wish I could be blissfully ignorant about calorie counts, but that is what got me here, so I have to frighten myself with totals when I don't plan ahead.

Now time to move on to a sensitive subject...bowel movements. I was diagnosed with IBS back in middle school when I thought I'd die on the toilet. X-rays showed I was completely backed up...ewwww...and I given a list of foods to eat and added fiber supplements. Well, my parents did not change our foods at home, but I did drink down the gritty gross drinks full of fiber for awhile. I haven't really had any problems since then...until starting South Beach! In week 2, I noticed I hadn't done the deed for days. When I did finally go, it was a bit painful. I changed my settings on SparkPeople to check out what I was getting for fiber. OH SHIT! Yeah, I must have skimmed the part about how Phase 1 can cause some constipation due to the lack of grains and fruits and the off-limit veggies. Now that I'm putting some back in the diet, I'm just about back to normal, but I may need to add a supplement in again (I know the fiber supplement options are sooooo much better now than when I suffered as a kid). I certainly don't need poo up to my eyeballs inside me!!!

Day 20-23: Becoming a Gym Bunny

I didn't get to post yesterday because I was too busy at the gym before work. That's right, we finally rejoined the gym as of last Friday. So, I spent a good bit of time on the treadmill, in the weight room, and the pool. It is terribly sad to see how much my speed has dropped since we had to quit before. The first day, I wanted to quit at 30 minutes going between 3-3.5 mph. I persevered and went another 20 minutes. I was up to 9-10 minute miles last year. But, I will regain my power if I keep going! Luckily, my strength hasn't decreased much...and my legs are very strong! I really do need to work on my upper body strength, which is what I'll focus on this week.

Time for my weekly weigh-in results! I weighed myself at the gym and was shocked at the low number. Sunday night, my Aunt Flo decided to restart again (how dare you keep visiting more than once a month without proper notice!!!) so I am up a couple pounds from Sunday, which still puts me at 302. So, 10 pounds down this month! Yeehaw!

And forget what I said about me needing my carbs so much!!! I figured out that was my TOM cravings that were deluding my thoughts. I did indulge in Ritz Bits with Peanut Butter on Saturday...extremely high carb day! But, I am feeling more fulfilled with my peanut butter and banana wrap for breakfast than with just eggs and canadian bacon or veggie patties or whatever else I was doing for the first two weeks.

Day 20-23 Totals:

• Calories: 1099/1439/992/1057
• Fat: 49/79/43/32
• Carbs: 121/175/62/77
• Protein: 45/38/101/127